Today, as I witnessed a devastating mishap, it reminded me of second chances. Of how impermanent and fleeting life could be and that second chances are life’s little miracles. It reminded me to take mine as it is, with abandon.
I cannot really remember exactly how and where, but I was just too glad my second chance came upon me. It came as a realization, a painful one. And it arrived right on time—that particular time when I was still capable of reconstructing my life—just after the destruction. One of life’s biggest irony, I guess. It needs to destruct something before it could do some reconstruction.
But it’s a good feeling, you know, to find myself still standing after almost everything left me alone and empty, after almost everyone looked down on me condescendingly as I desperately tried to put myself back together. I was so ecstatic I could breathe again. And I took that second chance—second chance at living, second chance at happiness—as if it would be the last.
Enough of hesitating and second-guessing for nothing is certain. Enough of worrying about things that never really weigh much for time is too precious to be wasted. Enough of letting this so-called fear dictate my fate. Enough of complicating things that were meant to be simple.
Well, my life right now is not really that wonderful. I don’t have money (just enough for me to live decently), my career isn’t going anywhere (if you could even call it a career), I haven’t discovered any talent yet (if there is any), I don’t have any other occupations except writing and reading (if you could even consider them as occupations), I haven’t had any major achievement I could really be proud of (no, diplomas aren’t included) and to top it all, I am missing the two most important people in my life and there’s no way I can see them again, ever.
But still, life is beautiful. It must continue to be so. Because life is more than who I am—more than my overwhelming sadness, more than this immense ocean of unknowns, much more than these mediocrities I often, and mistakenly, deemed important. There’s a vast space of possibility out there and, who knows, maybe beyond those clouds of mist hides my happiness, or maybe something bigger.
I know I do not have all the answers right now. But I figured a few things out and they are enough for me, for now, to keep moving forward. And today, my only hope is to not make a mess out of this second chance.
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